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Every year I hold my breath, expecting the television academy — those responsible for the Emmys — to make right its errors of the past. Every year, I think that maybe this time they’ll award clever, original shows with heart and life.
And every year, I end up drowning my sorrows in red wine and Nik Naks.
Let me refresh your memory: last year, Game of Thrones won best drama for the second year in a row. Sherlock won best TV movie. The Voice won best reality competition. All of those have been running for a really long time.
Sure, there were some wins like Tatiana Maslany’s for Orphan Black that were long overdue, but there was also Julia Louis-Dreyfus with her fifth consecutive win for Veep — which she deserves, but it makes for truly boring television.
And it’s not like the Academy doesn’t have a chance to spruce things up: shows like The Good Place, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, BoJack Horseman and The Leftovers were all overlooked for the likes of The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family and South Park.
Where is the justice? Where?
But if you’re still not with me on the snoozefest that is the Emmys, here are some of the most egregious nominations of the year.
1. The Big Bang Theory for Outstanding Production Design in a Narrative (30 mins or less)
Yes, that’s right: That studio, which has never once looked real, and never once done anything beyond vaguely interesting has been nominated for an Emmy.
Even the set designers are confused. Did no one in the Academy watch The Good Place at all?
2. The Voice got eight nominations
Have you ever tried watching The Voice? I have, and 90% of that time was spent re-watching previews and adverts. The hour-long show contains around 20 minutes of unique viewing, making any actual fun and drama in the show utterly inane.
And sure, some of these noms are for production design and technical direction, but it also got nominated for best Outstanding Reality-Competition — and Are You The One? got nothing.
3. The Crown for Outstanding Main Title Design
There is very little that I don’t consider boring about The Crown, but I can barely get through the intro without falling asleep. Sense8 didn’t die for this.
4. William H. Macy (Shameless) for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Firstly: Shameless is a comedy? Did I miss something?
Secondly: Shameless is still running? I definitely missed something, and I am very bored.
5. Milo Ventimiglia (This Is Us) for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
The Academy really, really loves This Is Us, and that’s fine. But come now: nominating Ventimiglia among Kevin Spacey and Bob Odenkirk is ridiculous and we all know it. Did the NBC show really need the extra nom?
6. Lip Sync Battle for Outstanding Structured Reality Program
7. Modern Family got eight nominations, including Outstanding Comedy Series
Ty Burrell’s Phil Dunphy is undoubtedly the best part of Modern Family, but that best part is not enough to redeem the fact that Modern Family has no structure, and the cast has lost its twinkle.
It’s okay to change your mind on things that no longer do it for you, Academy. I know a lot of people struggle to admit that they’ve rescinded an opinion, but it is human and it’s okay.
Drinking game idea for the Emmys on 17 September: take a sip every time a show you stopped watching because you were uninterested gets mentioned. Don’t blame me when you die.