I haven’t been this riled up in quite some time, so pardon the candour. To quote the words of the dotfather Tim Berners-Lee: “When it comes to arbitrary new TLDs I am not a big fan”. Eloquently put, but not quite acrimonious enough for my taste. The reveal of nearly 2 000 planned new generic top-level domains (gTLDs) makes me want to spit venom.
Until now we’ve had 22 generic top level domains like .com, .org, .gov, .edu and so on. We had order. Now, prepare for bedlam: domain squatting, phishing and superfluity the likes of which the online world has never seen. We don’t need .pizza, we don’t need a .unicorn. ICANN, you’re taking taking something that is struggling for stability and kicking out its struts.
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When ICANN initially announced its plans to open bidding for new gTLDs, Peter Thrush, chairman of ICANN’s board of directors said: “Today’s decision will usher in a new internet age. We have provided a platform for the next generation of creativity and inspiration. Unless there is a good reason to restrain it, innovation should be allowed to run free.” At a price of US$185 000 for a new gTLD and US$25 000 yearly management costs, “innovation” remains in the hands of a few.
This whole thing smacks of corporate greed. It’s muddying up the web and I’m over it.
Here’s a list of 40 of the most ridiculous newly pending gTLDs. It’s unclear which of these will be opened for public registration, but for now, we’ll have some fun with them.
.sucks, .wtf, .fail, .work
Every company out there is now groaning at the thought of having to register their current domains with these new suffixes to avoid slander. For example, http://www.xyzproduct.com has to make sure to grab http://www.xyzproduct.sucks, http://www.xyzproduct.wtf, http://www.xyzproduct.fail and http://www.xyzproductdoesnt.work before a sly competitor does.
.wow and .rocks
Shameless self indulgence is a go: http://www.xyzproduct.rocks
.website and .online
How meta.
.today
Sites registered under this suffix are only applicable today. And tomorrow. And the day after that.
.tires
Three companies tried to register .tires and no one bothered with .tyres. A tad myopic, perhaps?
.dot
Yes, I know. *facepalm*
.smile
Applied for by Amazon, not McDonalds. Smiles aren’t always free.
.wedding and .rip
Note to self: remember to register http://www.martincarstens.wedding on wedding day and http://www.martincarstens.rip when dead.
.democrat and .republican
http://www.barackobama.rebuplican / http://www.mittromney.democrat
.rehab
Family: Hi Martin, we’re all gathered here today because we love you. We bought you a domain.
Martin: Is this an intervention?
Family: http://www.martincarstens.rehab
.pizza
Hmm… pizza.
.ooo and .goo
Moo…
.onyourside
Political parties are salivating.
.off
Fuck.
.ninja
Clearly the whole thing started to spiral way out of control right about here.
.mrmuscle
Quick, someone register a domain for Phil Heath.
.movistar
Woops! Missing an “e” there?
.like
Too slow, Facebook. This suffix was applied for by Amazon.
.lamer
Cyberbullies are already dreaming up new ways of terrorising their classmates.
.horse, .duck, .dog and .unicorn
It’s a zoo in here.
.guru
If you’re in social media, you know what to do.
.george
Congratulations all the Georges of the world. Everybody else, keep dreaming.
.fyi, .lol, .foo and .boo
Heaven help us.
.cooking
Can you smell what the Rock is… Argh, nevermind.
.red, .blue, .black, .green and .pink
If you’re not one of these colours, you are not important enough.
.beer, .wine and .vodka
Nope, no whiskey. I know right?
.soccer or .football / .ink or .tattoo / .bar or .pub
Stop making it so hard ICANN!
.virgin
Richard Branson is having a chuckle at the prospect of registering http://www.active.virgin
.transformers
Ok, this is kind of cool…
Featured image: Markus Winkler/Pexels
