If the real world is getting you down — and that 50l water limit in Cape Town even more so — then here’s a list of fictional people doing fictional things designed to keep you entertained. And also some real-world horrors because life is cruel and I’m helping you practice vigilance.
Tomb Raider
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Alicia Vikander’s Lara Croft is back, and she’s not upsetting as many YouTube commenters the second time around.
This Tomb Raider trailer features the same scenes from the first re-edited, and an eerie Destiny’s Child cover. Apparently that’s all you need to win viewers’ hearts.
Tomb Raider opens in South Africa on 16 March.
The Handmaid’s Tale
The first look for Hulu’s second season of The Handmaid’s Tale pulls away from Margaret Atwood’s source material (which rounded out the first season), and works hard to keep itself relevant (that “resist” poster didn’t go unnoticed).
Will the show maintain its popularity and critical acclaim — or will its lack of subtlety be the beginning of its end? Find out on 25 April on Hulu (if you’re using a sneaky VPN) or on M-Net whenever the channel decides to show it.
Super Troopers 2
Fans of Super Troopers have waited 17 years for a sequel — and it’s coming right meow, according to the second trailer released Friday.
In the sequel, the law enforcement team’s murder-solving is behind them, and now they’re tasked with acclimating what was once a Canadian town into US territory.
The comedy doesn’t yet have an SA release, but will be in the US 20 April (yes, that is US 4/20).
Paterno
HBO’s Paterno tells the story of late college football coach Joe Paterno, whose “winningest” success was marred by assistant coach Jerry Sandusky’s child sexual abuse scandal.
Starring Al Pacino, the series follows Paterno in his final months, as he grapples with the guilt of having protected a serial rapist.
Paterno premieres this US spring, and South African autumn.
Heathers
The 1988 cult classic Heathers is being remade into an “hour-long pitch-black comedy anthology” that the public is not taking to kindly.
Not only does the trailer feature nothing but disrespect for the fabulous Winona Ryder, but it’s also sporting an impressive 7000 likes to 25 000 dislikes. Rough.
Heathers premieres 7 March in the US.
Love, Simon
Simon Spier is a closeted 17-year-old who doesn’t know the identity of the classmate he’s fallen for online.
Based on the novel Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda, the film stars Nick Robinson of Everything, Everything, and Katherine Langford of 13 Reasons Why — so it’s sure to be a hit with teens.
Catch it in theatres 29 June.
Beast of Burden
Daniel Radcliffe has been churning out films lately, and who are we to complain?
This time, Radcliffe is a worried husband who joins a drug cartel to pay for surgery that will save his wife’s life. The catch? He only has one hour to “reassure a drug cartel, a hitman, and the [US Drug Enforcement Administration] that nothing is wrong”.
Beast of Burden doesn’t yet have a release date.
The Mechanism
Netflix’s The Mechanism follows a group of investigators as they hunt to expose the dark underbelly of the “biggest corruption scheme of all time”.
Set in Brazil, the eight-episode series is a fictional drama inspired by corruption scandals dogging privately-owned oil and construction companies in the country.
The first season premieres on Netflix on 23 March.
Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far On Foot
Based on a true story, Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot tells of John Callahan, the alcoholic quadriplegic who turned his pain into art.
It stars Joaquin Phoenix and real-life girlfriend Rooney Mara in their third film together (first was Spike Jonze’s Her, second is upcoming biblical drama Mary Magdalene). The film also stars Jonah Hill and Jack Black.
Don’t Worry doesn’t have a South African release, and will have a limited run in the US starting 11 May.
Seeing Allred
Embracing the momentum of #MeToo and #TimesUp, the Netflix documentary Seeing Allred follows the life of activist and attorney Gloria Allred, who devoted 40 years of her life to women’s empowerment.
Over the course of her career, Allred has represented a variety of clients in civil rights suits involving the likes of sexual harassment, hate crimes, and wrongful terminations.
The documentary premieres on Netflix 9 February.
Queer Eye
If life has felt off kilter since the end of Queer Eye in 2007, fear not: The Fab Five are back to help fumbling straight men get their lives together, and the world is better for it.
With the help of Netflix, the quintet are once again setting out to right straight wrongs in the likes of fashion, food, grooming, interior design, and culture.
Queer Eye premieres on Netflix on 9 February.
Final Space
YouTuber Olan Rogers — known for the likes of Oscar’s Hotel for Fantastical Creatures and Mr Student Body President — has created his own space cartoon for TBS.
The show follows an astronaut named Gary and his planet-destroying sidekick as they search for the end of the universe to figure out if it really exists.
It premieres in the US on 26 February.
