Last week in trailers: The Guardians of the Galaxy and Deadpool’s butt

If last week was a drought of trailers, this week was Cyclone Dineo. Major franchises have reminded us of their existence in the past seven days whether we wanted to remember or not. So sit back, buckle up and get ready for the onslaught of White Male Protagonists in High Budget Movies.

Let’s go.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Jimmy Kimmel Live premiered the trailer for Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 on Tuesday to the joy of fans everywhere.

While YouTube is notorious for not allowing movie trailers the benefit of the doubt, the comment section for Guardians has become a home for excited fans gushing over everything from cast chemistry to the adorable baby Groot.

The second installment is hitting theatres 5 May, so you have just under two months to organise a rewatch party for the original.

Alien: Covenant

Ridley Scott’s Alien franchise is back with familiar jump scares and catchy taglines.

“The path to paradise begins in hell,” the film professes.

Scott dives back into the world he created to tell the story of a crew of couples who intend to colonise a new planet (ignoring horror movie survival tip #1: be single).

“The crew of the colony ship Covenant, bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world. When they uncover a threat beyond their imagination, they must attempt a harrowing escape,” the description reads.

The Sigourney Weaver-sized hole is filled by a white girl with dark hair, so you shouldn’t notice the loss too much. The film also stars Michael Fassbender (X-Men: Apocalypse) and James Franco (Why Him?).

Catch Alien: Covenant in theatres 19 May.

How to Be a Latin Lover

The only comic relief you’ll find in this week’s round-up is the second trailer from How to Be a Latin Lover.

Starring Eugenio Derbez (Jack and Jill), Salma Hayek (Frida), Rob Lowe (Parks and Recreation) and Kristen Bell (The Good Place), the film follows the story of a Latin gold digger who gets the surprise of his life when his super rich 80-year-old  wife dumps him for a car salesman (Michael Cera).

It’s a film in which a materialistic man learns that our most valuable asset is family — so it’s nothing you haven’t seen before — but I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t at least snicker a few times watching the trailer.

How to Be a Latin Lover is in cinemas 28 April.

Dark

If you, like the rest of the world, have always thought that what Stranger Things really needs is more Germans, then, boy, does Netflix have a treat for you.

The first German Netflix original series is Dark, a show that has a plot not unlike Netflix’s hit sci-fi last year.

“Dark, a family saga with a supernatural twist, is set in a German town in present day where the disappearance of two young children exposes the double lives and fractured relationships among four families. In ten, hour-long episodes, the story takes on a supernatural twist that ties back to the same town in 1986,” the description reads.

The show will make its global debut late this year. If you want to make sure you don’t miss it, add it to your watch list here.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

This trailer is all kinds of messy — and not just because it stars alleged wife-beater Johnny Depp.

My first question: How is this franchise is still making money when every film has been a duplicate of the last?

My second question: Who greenlit the CGI’d young Jack Sparrow? Forget Javier Bardem looking like a flaking Voldemort, the cheap PicsArt Johnny Depp is the one that’s going to give me nightmares.

My final question: Is the audience really going to ignore the fact that they cast diet Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom to play essentially the same characters?

Catch the fifth installment of Pirates of the Caribbean 26 May, if you really must.

Mindhunter

Netflix having been keeping mum on the actual plot of David Fincher’s original series Mindhunter, and it’s working wonders to build intrigue.

“An agent in the FBI’s Elite Serial Crime Unit tracks down serial killers and rapists,” iMDB reads.

Fincher, known for films like Fight Club, Gone Girl and Zodiac, is branching out into the first series over which he’ll have full control — and if this trailer is anything to go by, it’s going to be epic.

You’ll be able to binge watch Mindhunter along with Stranger Things in October this year.

War Machine

Along with Netflix’s other original war film Sand Castle, War Machine is Netflix’s answer to the devastation the US has caused in the Middle East.

“An absurdist war story for our times, writer-director David Michôd (Animal Kingdom) recreates a U.S. General’s roller-coaster rise and fall as part reality, part savage parody – raising the specter of just where the line between them lies today,” reads the description. “At the story’s core is Brad Pitt’s sly take on a successful, charismatic four-star general who leapt in like a rock star to command NATO forces in Afghanistan, only to be taken down by a journalist’s no-holds-barred exposé.”

Catch the War Machine 26 May only on Netflix.

Deadpool: No Good Deed

Okay, so No Good Deed is more a short than a trailer, but it’s so ridiculously entertaining that it’s being included.

The short is fun to watch even if you aren’t a superhero megafan, but there are tons of easter eggs to keep you rewatching if you are. These include, but are not limited to: John Williams’ Superman theme, graffiti declaring “Nathan Summers cumming soon” and a scrolling summary of Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea at the end.

And, as a sign that the second Deadpool’s marketing strategy will be much like the first, the summary reads, “Wade and the other girls from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants plan a trip to Cabot Cove.”

Deadpool 2 will be released next year.