SA’s box office: this week was boring so I made stuff up

The box office this week was really boring. Barely anything changed. The top four is exactly the same as last week, and the bottom six moved just enough to make you go “huh” and then walk away.

“This week is very boring,” I told my editor, Andy, when I realised.

“Make something up,” he said. So here’s the box office charts I just made up. (23 – 25 February)

Black Panther is still at the top, Fifty Shades is still in second, Jumanji is still in third. You get it

Black Panther is in top spot for the three hundredth week in a row. The film broke all the important records. In fact, Black Panther made so much money that we all decided to delete Avatar from our collective consciousness. DVDs were burned, sites deleted, nightclubs demolished. We were free.

“I’m sorry,” James Cameron said. He wasn’t.

In second behind Black Panther was Secretary (2002), a very endearing film about sexuality and sadomasochism. The characters are likeable, the acting strong, and the eroticism exciting. It’s also just plain fun.

Opening in third place this week was none other than the 24-hour marathon of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s best work, an event dubbed Rock Solid. The event includes the likes of The Mummy Returns, Baywatch, and that one episode of Hannah Montana.

“Ur the real Rock Dwayne Your my Rock,” wrote a YouTube user on his most recent trailer for Skyscraper, and I think they speak for us all.

In fourth spot down two we have The Only Kid’s Film Currently in Theatres. The distributors really worked on selling the film on its merits and not merely timing it so as to have no competition. Good for them.

The biggest fall this week — down five to tenth — sadly went to Token Local Film, which stumbled after the only people who knew the film existed saw it when it opened last week. It probably won’t make its money back, but at least the National Film and Video Foundation will help fund it after it proves a success.

Here are the (actual) ten most-watched movies in SA this past weekend:

1. Black Panther (Incl. 3D, 4DX, D.BOX & IMAX) (±0) — review
2. Fifty Shades Freed (Incl. IMAX) (±0)
3. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (Incl. 3D, IMAX, 4DX & D.BOX)** (±0)
4. Tad the Lost Explorer and the Secret of King Midas (±0)
5. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (NEW) — review
6. Raaiselkind (±0)
7. 24 Hours to Live (NEW)
8. Maze Runner: The Death Cure (Incl. 3D, IMAX, 4DX & D.BOX) (-3)
9. The Greatest Showman (-1)
10. Den of Thieves (-3)

**Highest life-to-date grosser with R60 578 283.

The above list was provided by Ster-Kinekor Entertainment.