The Lesotho film This Is Not a Burial, It’s a Resurrection will arrive in South African cinemas later this month. The film’s production company Ucuru announced…
Geek love. If the lads from The Big Bang Theory can do it, anyone can. The theory is resoundingly sound: go online, find a partner, woo them with your collective knowledge of MacGyver, hook up and enjoy life. Easier said than done. At the very least, we can provide you with a collection of smartphone apps which may unlock the possibility of romance and lead to a more streamlined Valentine’s Day.
Looking for love
Remember when online dating had a stigma attached to it? Us neither. So download apps such as Match.com and discover millions just like you searching for that “special someone” or that “special someone right now”. Other mobile dating apps now use GPS for an extra layer of social excitement. SinglesAroundMe is that app, and it uses GPS to pinpoint single folk on Google Maps.
Alternatively you can grab one of the best international dating apps around, OK Cupid. It combines the best parts of other dating apps and a massive database into one tiny package. For the cost-conscious, you can gamble with Dating DNA, an ad-supported dating app with a strong following. If you have managed to find (con?) someone into going out with you, the next step is setting up the date.
Gift-giving is a must for those of us in long-term relationships. This is where Amazon Price check, PriceCheck, Consumer Reports Mobile Shopper 2012 and Google Shopper come into play. Amazon Price Check searches through the endless archives of Amazon for the cheapest gift. PriceCheck is a South African-based item aggregator and barcode scanner. The Consumer Reports Mobile Shopper is a meaty app with reviews and prices for practically every new product since, like, forever man.
Google Shopper though, is the “boss dawg” of shopping apps. It displays nearby offers, lets users search by voice, scan barcodes, shows detailed price information and lets you share content with friends. Also, it’s free. It’s pretty much the only app you need in a pinch. How else will you find chocolate handcuffs a day before Valentines?
Search, eat, love
Dating is a negative, taking someone on an experience is a positive. Even the word date causes stress, so eliminate the fear and select a pleasant location for coffee instead. Apps such as Yelp, Zagat and WHERE will point you to the closest hipster coffee store.
Yelp is excellent. It literally lets you rate anything and everything. If you want to know how inept your favourite bagel stand is, search for it in Yelp. Want to find the best spot for skinny-dipping? Yelp will sort you out. If you actually want to go on a traditional date, Zagat will point you in the right direction. For everything local, WHERE is your final resource. WHERE aggregates local businesses based on personalised recommendations. Think of it like Foursquare, but with purpose.
With some luck
You’ll convince (trick?) that special someone into the main course of the evening, intercourse. And hey, there’s an app for that. Several in fact. Sex for dummies, Cosmo’s sex position of the day, Bedometer and 3D Kamasutra are some of the more helpful apps available for your smartphone.
Sex for dummies is part of the wildly popular range of Dummies guides and gradually teaches you everything you need to know about nookie. Just don’t whip the app out during the deed. Have some class. Cosmo’s sex position app is just as tasteless, but no less helpful and shows a daily position for hapless lovers to test out.
Bedometer is a little smarter, and a little fitter than the average app. Once installed, it counts the calories you shed during sex. It takes the scientific approach to lovemaking by calculating the intensity and time of each encounter, and crunches out a number based on “activity”. This leaves the 3D Kamasutra app which is to put it lightly, not for the fainthearted. I say this because the app is appallingly weak in design.
Good luck geek lovers of the world. Your day is upon you.
Note: I do not guarantee that you will find a partner with my advice. This is simply an aggregation of apps related to dating. In short, don’t blame me for your problems.