I ploughed through pooey nappy posts and pictures. I was up to my elbows in constipation advice and lurid descriptions of piles and varicose veins. I nearly lost my bottle in an onslaught of product endorsements and cutesy pie backgrounds. And let’s not mention the disgusting disregard for spelling, grammar, and the CORRECT PURPOSE OF CAPS that afflicts some of these poor souls.
I did all this for you, dear reader.
To unearth ten sort of parenting related sites that appear to be written by the kind of people you’d actually want to talk to in real life. What I didn’t find, despite looking — rather endlessly, and involving more pictures of Justin Bieber than even a 12 year old could stomach — was a blog about parents, by kids.
Someone write that now, please.
What I’ve learned on this journey can be summed up in two sentences: if you’re going to eat your placenta or film the entire birthing process from below, there’s a blog for that. If you value your sanity, don’t google them.
10: Not Your Mom’s Blog
Just like the name says, this is a blogsite about sex, politics, religion, and money — all the things most blogs avoid.
A variety of contributors, and some interesting opinions. Disclaimer: some of them do actually mention children. In passing. Just not the actual passing of children.
9. Geek Mom
From a Mythbuster mom to posts about Nobel prizes, this blog is a fascinating source of knowledge and opinion, even for those without active ovaries. Some of the most common words on this blogsite are science, lego, steampunk…you do the math.
8. Motherhood Uncensored
A blog by the author of “The mominatrix’s guide to sex,” there is much discussion here about all the topics that most mommy blogs would find distasteful or crude. So in other words just exactly the kind of site I like.
7. Always Home and Uncool
Always Home and Uncool is definitely not a mom blog, the primary reason being that it’s written by a dad. There are reams of dad blogs out there, but this one is, despite the author’s protestations, pretty darn cool.
6. Whiskey in my Sippy Cup
This is the only site on my list where I started following the author on Twitter within seconds of reading the first post. Perhaps because we both have kids that just turned six. But I like to think it’s because this blog is honest, and interesting, and doesn’t have an ounce of faux cutesy anywhere about it.
5. The Unmom
“That cape totally makes her butt look fat” — ok I admit it, this is another which is, well, about being a mom. But it made me laugh, damnit. And it’s also about other things, like what moms do when they’re home alone. See, now you’re intrigued…
4. Nerdy Apple Bottom
I was drawn to this blog by a post on her son’s choice to dress as Daphne for Halloween: “My son is gay”. I loved the forthright approach of the blogger. Since then, the blog continues to challenge issues of perception and parenting, but in simple, no-nonsense, and having fun kind of ways.
3. Too Big For Stroller
I have a feeling I shouldn’t enjoy this site quite as much as I do. It is simply, as the name suggests, pictures of kids who are too big for strollers, tagged with the word “walk”. While some of them are borderline, there are some potentially pimply lazy ass kids in strollers, and the world needs to laugh at them.
2. Baby’s Named a Bad Bad Thing
This is an outright cheat, as it is not a blog, nor about parenting directly. But it is one of my favourite sites in the world, and I basically use any excuse to tell others about it.
A collection of unusual, bizarre, and sometimes downright scary things people have called their children, complete with sarcastic commentary. Every couple of months I reread the entire thing. Think of it as one of my happy places.
1. STFU, Parents
And here, at number one, is the site that made this whole quest worth it.
“You used to be fun. Now you have a baby.”
Not only did this blog introduce me to the phrase “mommy-jacking,” which I shall be making frequent use of from now on, not only did it lead me to read a long series of comments about queefing, it made me laugh, hysterically, to the point where my kids thought the kind thing to do would be to disconnect the wireless.
Think of it as the Damnyouautocorrect for outing annoying parents.
Thank me later.