What kind of internet troll are you?

Do you spend an awful lot of time posting comments on the internet? If so, it’s possible that you are a troll. But, just knowing this is not enough. There are so many different types of trolls operating on the net today. Take this handy, informative and completely serious quiz to find out…

What kind of internet troll are you?

1. Someone writes a truly heartfelt blog post that lays bare the very essence of their soul. You decide to post a comment below, saying:

a) You say you are depressed in paragraph one, yet in paragraph two you say that you “have ups and downs, one day happy, the next day sad”. If this is the case then I would argue that you are not depressed, as you say, but indeed bi-polar. I eagerly await your rebuttal.

b) In line 6 of paragraph 4 you say “sometimes I feel like their is no reason to even get out of bed anymore”. It should be “there”, not & “their”.

c) Soz u feel that way :'( Feel better! <333 d) I understand how you feel. It's hard not to feel this way in a country where the blacks have taken over and plunged our once proud nation into despair. You will feel a lot better about this if you move to Australia. e) F**k you blog writer you f**king f**k, I can't BELIEVE you just made me read that when I could have been shaving my hairy nut-sack. Why don't you do the world a favour and just DIE instantly?!?!?! 2. You read this news story about an ambulance that was hijacked. It inspires you to post the following:

a) Everyone in the comments following this piece seems to think that it is a foregone conclusion that the hijackers are in the wrong here. However, if you take their probably dire economic situation into account it’s possible to argue that they had every right to take this ambulance so that they can sell it and support their families. Also, their choice of hijacking an ambulance could mean that they were sick and unable to afford medical aid, in which case you can’t blame them for trying to seek medical treatment through other means. You can’t just jump to conclusions about this!

b) The header of this story says it takes place in Johannesburg and then, in the same paragraph, the story clearly says it takes place in Tshwane. I expect a higher level of accuracy from news 24.

c) OMFG who hijacks an ambulance?!? SMH

d) This country has gone to the dogs. This would never have happened in Australia. What’s the bet the two ‘unidentified men’ are black?

e) F**k you SAPA you f**king f**k, I can’t BELIEVE you just made me read a story about what’s actually going on in the world when I could be drinking wine from a papsak and watching Big Brother Africa. Why don’t you do the world a favour and post interesting news instead, like about Lady Gaga coming to South Africa or something that people actually care about.

3. The article by Deep Fried Man you are reading right now is not to your liking, and you want to express why. So this is what you have to say:

a) You seem to indicate, in this blog piece, that some people who leave comments on the internet just like to argue for the sake of it. I am here to tell you that this is not the case! I eagerly await your rebuttal.

b) While it isn’t officially wrong to start a sentence with the word ‘so’ (“So this is what you have to say…”) I consider it clumsy and a repetitive distraction. On top of that there are the following grammatical and spelling errors in this piece (insert list in comment form below).

c) This didn’t make me BAGL, ROTFL or LMAO once, or even ALOL. >:(

d) This post is terrible, and must be a direct result of the way the education system has gone down since the blacks took over. If Memeburn was an Australian website it would have much better writing than this.

e) F**k you Deep Fried Man you f**king f**k, I can’t BELIEVE you just made me read this stupid quiz when I could be smoking tik and roaming the neighbourhood, looking for grannies to beat up. Why don’t you do the world a favour and kill yourself, and then when you’re done killing yourself come back to life so you can kill yourself again. F**ktard.

If you answered mostly a)

Argumentative Arney
Since you left school, where you were captain of the debating team, you haven’t had an awful lot to argue with people about, and that really hurts. You wanted to become a lawyer but that didn’t end up happening and so you are left with a whole bunch of unargued arguments pent-up inside of you. Deep down inside it’s not like you actually care either way when it comes to half the things you argue about. But when you argue it’s the same feeling others get when riding motorbikes, skydiving or climbing Kilimanjaro. It makes you feel alive, and no-one on the internet can take that away from you.

If you answered mostly b)

Semantic Steve
The internet is a dark, seething cesspool of repugnantly atrocious spelling and grammar and sometimes it’s like nobody even cares. If you left it up to everyone else, people who posted things on the internet would be left free to split infinitives, use double negatives and, worst of all, go around putting apostrophes where no healthy, normal apostrophe would ever dare go. As much as we appreciate your fight to correct every wrong committed against the English language on the internet, you maybe need to let go a little more. Let’s try a little exercise. This sentance has lot’s of exarmples, of diferent speling and grammatikal mistakes. See if you can resist the temptation to comment on it below.

If you answered mostly c)

Net-slang Nicola
AFAIC u R pretty 8) but u are a bit BLAH & you only post B/C you are BAH. BICBW.
NOTE: If you don’t understand a word of what I just wrote, you are not Net-Slang Nicola. Please take this quiz again.

If you answered mostly d)

Regressive Racist Ronnie
Things have not been easy for you since in the past few years. Black people no longer seem to call you baas and it is now formally illegal to assault them. On top of that, in your opinion, since the blacks took over, South Africa has gone down the toilet, never mind the fact that what we had before, apartheid, is generally accepted as being as far down the toilet that any nation could possibly go. You would like to emmigrate to Australia, but unfortunately they have a policy of only accepting people with skills there. So, you are forced to remain in South Africa and unleash your pent-up frustration on the nearest available internet post.

If you answered mostly e)

Anonymous Arsehole
It’s not your fault everyone else in the world is lame and you’re not. Who needs friends anyway? Perhaps because of this attitude, when you used to express your opinions people would generally punch you in the face. But the day you discovered the internet all of that changed, and you realised that by posting anonymously you could say whatever you wanted all the time with no fear of repercussions.

And what you want to say usually revolves around the word fuck. When you’re not expressing your individuality by finding creative new ways to drop the f-bomb in your comments, you spend your time alternating between playing World of Warcraft and masturbating to bizarre fetish porn in the awesome pad you have set up for yourself in your mother’s basement.



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