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What a time to be alive.
The 2017 Academy Awards gave and took as it saw fit in a ceremony that will be remembered for decades to come.
If you don’t have three hours to spend watching rich people commend other rich people for their work, but still want to join in in the small talk, you’ve come to the right place. Here are the best and worst moments of the 89th running of the Oscars.
Jimmy Kimmel hosted this year and did an underwhelming job. His monologue was boring, as he spent his time mocking celebrities, but never pushing any real buttons. He made a few jabs at Trump, but again — nothing that was worth remembering.
His main running joke was directed at Matt Damon, whom he undermined numerous times in the show. This was probably his best bit — my favourite being when, after various celebrities discussed their biggest inspirations in very sincere segments, he pretended that Damon’s role in We Bought a Zoo was the one he looked up to.
And even bits that included surprised non-celebrities saw him being overshadowed.
Gary from Chicago
Kimmel pranked a tour bus full of ordinary people eager to see celebrity homes in Los Angeles. Instead of going to a museum like they were told they would, they were taken to the studio, filled with A-list celebrities. The leaders of the pack were a couple from Chicago who were living life to the fullest. Chicago Gary became an instant favourite ala Ken Bone when he marched in and treated the celebrities like old friends.
Chicago Gary had favourites, though, and Kimmel was quick to point them out.
“I feel like you’re ignoring all the white celebrities,” Kimmel joked.
“Yeah, I am,” quipped Gary right back.
gary from chicago is helping us close out black history month right pic.twitter.com/Kh7T0DeKrK
— Ziwe (@ziwe) February 27, 2017
— Henri (@henrimdasilva) February 27, 2017
— ABC News (@ABC) February 27, 2017
The ceremony started off slowly and without any real upsets (is anyone ever really upset by art direction and sound?).
Suicide Squad won best make-up, meaning you can officially refer to it as Oscar-winning film Suicide Squad, which I’m sure will annoy a good amount of die-hard Marvel fans.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them won best costume design, making it the first movie in a Harry Potter franchise to win. Considering the social impact of the original series — and the sheer scale of its CGI — this is baffling. But still true. The original art department deserved better.
La La Land won six awards, including best original song and score — despite its leads not performing at the ceremony, subbing in actual singer John Legend instead.
Viola Davis won her first Oscar — seriously — for best actress in a supporting role and gave a killer speech.
— Colin Jones (@colinjones) February 27, 2017
But what the Academy giveth, the Academy also taketh away.
Both Mel Gibson and Casey Affleck were mentioned far too often during the ceremony.
Every time somebody praises Casey Affleck or Mel Gibson on that stage remember that there are women who have been fucking terrified of them
— dan solo (@dansolomon) February 27, 2017
Casey Affleck is expecting an 81% salary increase after he won best lead actor for Manchester by the Sea — which many think is a snub at Denzel Washington. Washington wasn’t too pleased, either, when the alleged sex offender mentioned him in his speech.
Casey Affleck: “I always admired Denzel”
— Shujaat Shah (@ShujaatShah13) February 27, 2017
denzel washington, ryan gosling and chrissy teigan react to casey affleck winning best actor pic.twitter.com/NhaY8jxs6b
— jezz (@R0GERSXGREYS) February 27, 2017
Emma Stone clinched best actress, despite competing in a category with Meryl Streep, Isabelle Huppert, Natalie Portman and Ruth Negga. Taraji P. Henson wasn’t even nominated for her role in Hidden Figures.
But the biggest upset was yet to come.
The incorrect announcement
Let’s set the scene.
Emma Stone has just won best actress. Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway head on stage to announce the winner of best picture, the award everyone has been waiting three hours to see.
Beatty opens the envelope. He looks confused. He checks the envelope again, to make sure nothing else is inside. Everyone is laughing, as it feels as if he’s just comically dragging out the suspense. He doesn’t want to read it aloud, and passes it to Dunaway, who reads the name on the card.
La La Land.
There’s a rush of excitement as the team hugs and congratulates each other. They gather on stage.
The producers begin making their speeches.
Everything seems fine until a man wearing a headset is seen behind the producers, asking others on stage for their envelopes. The speech continues. We’re confused. There’s a huddle forming.
The speeches end, and the producer concludes, “We lost, by the way.”
Another steps forward.
“There’s been a mistake. Moonlight, you guys won best picture.”
Chaos. Confusion. Cries of joy from my bed.
Jimmy Kimmel apologises, saying he blames Steve Harvey, who made a similar mistake at Miss Universe 2015.
The card Beatty had been given was for the prior award — Stone’s best lead actress. His confusion stemmed from the fact that he had a card claiming Emma Stone had won best picture.
Twitter erupted with joy for Moonlight, the first best picture to ever star an all-black cast.
RACE WAR CANCELED pic.twitter.com/ona0tnh24x
— jollof conoisseur (@eyekomology) February 27, 2017
— Aaron Vallely (@Vallmeister) February 27, 2017
— USA TODAY Life (@usatodaylife) February 27, 2017
Reporter backstage: “Faye Dunaway didn’t seem bothered by it, she was just eating cashews backstage” lmaooooo #Oscars
— Norman D. Golden ll (@NormanGoldenll) February 27, 2017
— The Film Stage 📽 (@TheFilmStage) February 27, 2017
THIS IS THE RESULT OF OUR PROPER TIMELINE SHINING THRU THE SEAMS OF THE ALTERNATE REALITY WE FELL INTO AS THE UNIVERSE TRIES TO SELF-CORRECT
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) February 27, 2017
Can we check Best Actor again
— B.J. Novak (@bjnovak) February 27, 2017
Best actress in a leading role
Emma Stone (La La Land)
Best actor in a leading role
Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)
Best actor in a supporting role
Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)
Best actress in a supporting role
Viola Davis (Fences)
Best animated feature film
Linus Sandgren (La La Land)
Best costume design
Colleen Atwood (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them)
Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
Best documentary (feature)
O.J.: Made in America
Best documentary short
The White Helmets
Best film editing
John Gilbert (Hacksaw Ridge)
Best foreign language film
The Salesman (Iran)
Best makeup and hairstyling
Alessandro Bertolazzi, Giorgio Gregorini and Christopher Nelson (Suicide Squad)
Best original score
Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)
Best original song
City of Stars (La La Land)
Best production design
David Wasco (La La Land)
Best short film (animated)
Best short film (live action)
Best sound editing
Sylvain Bellemare (Arrival)
Best sound mixing
Kevin O’Connell, Andy Wright, Robert Mackenzie and Peter Grace (Hacksaw Ridge)
Best visual effects
Robert Legato, Adam Valdez, Andrew R. Jones and Dan Lemmon (The Jungle Book)
Best adapted screenplay
Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)
Best original screenplay
Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)