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40 ridiculous new generic top level domains — .unicorn, .ninja and more

I haven’t been this riled up in quite some time, so pardon the candour. To quote the words of the dotfather Tim Berners-Lee: “when it comes to arbitrary new TLDs I am not a big fan”. Eloquently put, but not quite acrimonious enough for my taste. The reveal of nearly 2 000 planned new generic top-level domains (gTLDs) makes me want to spit venom.

Until now we’ve had 22 generic top level domains like .com, .org, .gov, .edu and so on. We had order. Now, prepare for bedlam: domain squatting, phishing and superfluity the likes of which the online world has never seen. We don’t need .pizza, we don’t need a .unicorn. ICANN, you’re taking taking something that is struggling for stability and kicking out its struts.

When ICANN initially announced its plans to open bidding for new gTLDs, Peter Thrush, chairman of ICANN’s board of directors said: “Today’s decision will usher in a new internet age. We have provided a platform for the next generation of creativity and inspiration. Unless there is a good reason to restrain it, innovation should be allowed to run free.” At a price of US$185 000 for a new gTLD and US$25 000 yearly management costs, “innovation” remains in the hands of a few.

This whole thing smacks of corporate greed. It’s muddying up the web and I’m over it.

Here’s a list of 40 of the most ridiculous newly pending gTLDs. It’s unclear which of these will be opened for public registration, but for now, we’ll have some fun with them.

.sucks, .wtf, .fail, .work

Every company out there is now groaning at the thought of having to register their current domains with these new suffixes to avoid slander. For example, http://www.xyzproduct.com has to make sure to grab http://www.xyzproduct.sucks, http://www.xyzproduct.wtf, http://www.xyzproduct.fail and http://www.xyzproductdoesnt.work before a sly competitor does.

.wow and .rocks

Shameless self indulgence is a go: http://www.xyzproduct.rocks

.website and .online

How meta.

.today

Sites registered under this suffix are only applicable today. And tomorrow. And the day after that.

.tires

Three companies tried to register .tires and no one bothered with .tyres. A tad myopic, perhaps?

.dot

Yes, I know. *facepalm*

.smile

Applied for by Amazon, not McDonalds. Smiles aren’t always free.

.wedding and .rip

Note to self: remember to register http://www.martincarstens.wedding on wedding day and http://www.martincarstens.rip when dead.

.democrat and .republican

http://www.barackobama.rebuplican / http://www.mittromney.democrat

.rehab

Family: Hi Martin, we’re all gathered here today because we love you. We bought you a domain.

Martin: Is this an intervention?

Family: http://www.martincarstens.rehab

.pizza

Hmm… pizza.

.ooo and .goo

Moo…

.onyourside

Political parties are salivating.

.off

Fuck.

.ninja

Clearly the whole thing started to spiral way out of control right about here.

.mrmuscle

Quick, someone register a domain for Phil Heath.

.movistar

Woops! Missing an “e” there?

.like

Too slow, Facebook. This suffix was applied for by Amazon.

.lamer

Cyberbullies are already dreaming up new ways of terrorising their classmates.

.horse, .duck, .dog and .unicorn

It’s a zoo in here.

.guru

If you’re in social media, you know what to do.

.george

Congratulations all the Georges of the world. Everybody else, keep dreaming.

.fyi, .lol, .foo and .boo

Heaven help us.

.cooking

Can you smell what the Rock is… Argh, nevermind.

.red, .blue, .black, .green and .pink

If you’re not one of these colours, you are not important enough.

.beer, .wine and .vodka

Nope, no whiskey. I know right?

.soccer or .football / .ink or .tattoo / .bar or .pub

Stop making it so hard ICANN!

.virgin

Richard Branson is having a chuckle at the prospect of registering http://www.active.virgin

.transformers

Ok, this is kind of cool…

Author | Martin Carstens

Martin Carstens
Obsessed with technology and the future, I write words for machines and people. Born in South Africa, now living in the United States. More
  • “No .cat? Seriously?!”

    .cat is already a toplevel domain name. It’s the top level domain for the Catalan language and culture.

    And yes, http://lol.cat does exist.

  • Pingback: Klonopin Generic | Klonopin Generic()

  • Can’t wait to get my .green domain.

  • @c42e3ff655a8bcd84bb57dc254474f64:disqus Argh, Etienne. You’re killing me dude.

  • I would register .meme, but it would be outdated before I got it….

    I wonder if .god is available. The Christians would have to buy up all the bad words out of self defense, bidding against the atheists who would love to have thereisno.god, f***.god and blameiton.god….

  • Pingback: The Latest in Internet Annoyances: Generic Top-Level Domains | CopyPressed()

  • Alexa_girl

    The annoying thing about the iPod is that the pricing has remained static – and sometimes increased – even just as the device was losing favour.

  • Bryan Smith

    @Alexa_girl:disqus that’s very true! I’d love to see the price of the Classic drop considerably, as its current version isn’t ageing gracefully – though the price of the Touch I can more or less understand. I’d much rather Apple sell the Classic for less, than not at all.

    Thanks for your comment! :)

  • Tueksta

    I think the iPod touch will be the future, iPhones will die out. Why? Because phone calls shift to hangouts and skype calls, while SMS turned into whatsapp messages. All that is needed for the big shift, is to enable internet access on iPod touch not only via WiFi but also on the go.

  • The classic should get lighting connection and maybe they should do a mix of flash and the mini hdd they currently have in the classic – something like a fusion drive used in a Mac Mini or iMac as the 128GB iPad is way over priced compared to what we should be paying for a large storage iPod.

    I totally believe in purpose built products, and segregation of duty so to say.

  • @disqus_rnl1Kh9NPs:disqus, great post by the way ;)

  • Bryan Smith

    @nuclearpengy:disqus thank you very much! I greatly appreciate that :)

    I like your ideas on where the classic should go – I think a fusion drive would be an epic idea, and a great way to make the older “Hard-drive iPod” relevant and innovative. I also agree with segregating duty in a product line, and that’s why if the classic is pulled from the iPod product line, I’ll be sad to see it go. Were the classic more affordable, I’d rush out to buy one right now.

    Thanks for your readership, comment and compliment! :)

  • Bryan Smith

    @Tueksta:disqus I think that’s an interesting idea, and in the far future, probably quite likely in one form or another. I think the biggest hindrance would be punting that kind of device globally, such as, for example, in African countries, where SMS and regular phone calls are still relevant and are widely used, and both WiFi and 3G connectivity are expensive commodities.

    I think, inevitably, you will probably be proven right one day, either when communication standards have changed considerably enough globally, or perhaps in the form of a USA/UK (first world) only device. It’ll be exciting to see which product line survives, or if they merge in any way.

    Thanks for your readership and your comment! :)

  • Tueksta

    Apple just made a huge step in that direction by putting a SIM-card into all UK+US devices. It’s like apple putting a gun to the carriers heads…

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